REVIEW: Notes of a Crocodile

『There was no one I wanted to share my thoughts with. There was nothing I could do to lessen the pain, no source that I could pinpoint. Secrectly, though, I did sort of enjoy being a fucked-up mess. Apart from that, I didn’t have a whole lot going on.』

I don’t recall how I stumbled upon Notes of a Crocodile, but I have to say that this reality bending book out of Taiwan that was written in 1994, somehow found every single one of my vulnerabilities and laid them out before me.

Qui Miaojin (as translated beautifully by Bonnie Huie) complies a novel in fragments collection from a journal-like format of a story. These fragments follow our queer narrator, nameless but for the nickname Lazi in certain fragments, as she struggles with friendships, relationships, and meaning in a life of romantic suffering and existential dread. It is a story of messy people who just want to be loved but not knowing how to reciprocate or even to love themselves due to each of their respective intimate holdups. But more than that, it is a general story of identity and longing for acceptance. The metaphor of the crocodiles in human suits is one that could be applied to many different identities, sexual orientation, gender or gender expression, anything that separates one from the “norm” of society. At first a tricky metaphor to navigate, it ads a truly beautiful and all encompassing layer to the thesis of the book.

(Although I would like to point out that the crocodile metaphor is intentionally directed as a media fascination in Taiwan in the 90s that resulted in lots of shameful “undercover” reporting that is reportedly the cause of the suicides of several girls and women who were outted as a result of the coverage.)

Now, everyone has had a messy relationship. Romantic or platonic, we all know what it feels like to be dumped, left behind, forgotten, replaced, or otherwise rejected. Sometimes it is a mutual parting but in my own experiences, it has almost always been messy or at the very least complicated. I know that it is a loss that is unique because you are mourning something that is technically still there. It is also easy to leave something you are afraid of losing through self-sabotage, forcing the other person to walk away first. It is a habit that is hard to break and the regret of such actions often weighs heavily – Qui does an amazing job of really getting across just how heavy that weight really is.

It is difficult to “review” a book like this, especially when it hits your buttons. All that’s really left to say is that if you have ever felt left behind without closure, read this book. If you feel lost and alone, read this book. If you struggled with a sense of self in the current reality, read this book. 

I am incredibly thankful to have been able to experience this writing in English.

REVIEW: The Love Song of Sawyer Bell

Given the state of the world right now, I wanted to do what I could when I was still working to support small businesses. Seeing that The Ripped Bodice was putting together care packages of books and goodies for customers even in Canada, I jumped on it (and you can see my full unboxing here) immediately.

One of the books in the box was a queer f/f romance by Avon Gale called The Love Song of Sawyer Bell. It followed Vix and Sawyer as they toured cross-country with Vix’s band and navigated the complexity of being in the professional music business while being in a relationship. Not to mention Sawyer has only recently put the pieces together that she’s a lesbian. Jealousy, queer educating, and more ensue in this incredible love story.

I devoured this book in 24 hours (less if you subtract the breaks I took to like…eat) and have never loved a romance novel more while also feeling so personally attacked by one. Sawyer is a senior in Julliard and is miserable there. The stress and the pressure is too much, hence her desire to “run away” with Vix’s band for the summer. Her feelings about school are so close to my own experiences in college that I wish that I had read this in my first year. It may have given me the courage to walk away. For me, film school was great in the sense that it made me a better writer and a better photographer, but it destroyed my mental health and general self-worth, and even now I wonder if what I gained is worth how much I lost. I stuck to it though and graduated, but not for me. I stuck to it to try and prove I hadn’t let the pressure or the drama get to me, and that’s not a reason to fork over $30k in tuition fees.

Sawyer is such a real character and I fell for her instantly. Vix, as well. Vix’s demeanour, her temperament, and her drive are all so magically dimensional. Her struggles with commitment and the fear of failure are real and wonderfully described. Even when the tension comes between her and Sawyer, the issues feel like more than “mandatory romance novel plot points”.

I can’t thank the team at The Ripped Bodice enough for this book and I am desperate for the sequel to be re-released by Carina Press. Because to say I need the second book now is an understatement.

If you’re looking for a wonderful, sexy, beautiful book featuring queer ladies and rock music, I implore you to pick this one up. You won’t be sorry.

REVIEW: Red, White, and Royal Blue

Thank you to NetGalley and St. Martin’s Press for providing me with an eARC of the book.


One of my most anticipated reads of the year and so far my favourite read of the year, Casey McQuiston’s debut novel, Red, White & Royal Blue, follows an enemies to lovers romance plot between the son of the first female President of the United States, Alex Claremont-Diaz, and the second born Prince of England, Prince Henry of Wales. While being a romance novel first, the story also tackles some poignant socio-political issues in the US as well as the stagnant traditions of English royalty and is so much more than “a simple romance novel”.

Right from the start I loved Alex. He’s constantly moving, thinking, feeling, and being a hilariously obnoxious little prick and the way he thinks about this just felt so alive. He feels real despite the circumstances of the story. Henry came more to life the further I got into the story but it didn’t take long for him to grow on my either. Even the more secondary main characters like Nora, June, Pez, and Bea feel like good friends with how warmly they’re written.

There was a decent amount of suspension of belief in this one, but it didn’t matter. While it covered the impending doom of the GOP, it still felt hopeful. From a political view (and despite my being very much Canadian), it felt like there was still hope that humanity isn’t all terrible and there are still people fighting the good fight for those who need and deserve a better life than the one the current real-world majority is trying to deny them. There are young people and “adultier” adults who are doing their damnedest to make the world a better place and this book is a reminder of that wrapped up in a queer romance screaming to the world to chose the life you want not the one everyone is tell you to choose.

The sexual content in the book was incredibly well done, giving readers a little more than just a “fade too black” without being too explicit either. And given the content, I was really happy to be reading about characters in their 20s rather than 17- or 18-year-olds like usual. The world needs more queer stories that aren’t about barely legal high schoolers/college freshmen.

While this book may look like it is targeted towards teens, the novel is definitely more of a new adult title in terms of content and even reading level. That being said, this is definitely an important book to read and I would easily recommend it to anyone looking for a hopeful story like this that spares us the violent homophobia that often borders on sympathy/suffering porn I see in a lot of queer stories.

All in all, this is so far my top read of the year and I’m so excited for everyone to bear witness to this wild ride of a political romance.